Elizabeth Grace

First things first, we’ve officially come up with a name for baby girl. Disclaimer: We reserve the right to change it at the last minute if we’re so inclined, but I’m pretty sure we’re settled on Elizabeth Grace. Since the day we found out I was pregnant, my husband has said that this baby is his to name as (he claims) he had no input in the naming of our third—which is not entirely true. I mean, he always has veto power (love you, honey!). We found out she was a girl the same time we found out about her condition, so we wanted her name to be all the more special. Onan’s first choice was Elizabeth, mine was Emma, and somehow we both knew her middle name would be Grace. I’ve always thought that Elizabeth was beautiful and when I found out the meaning –“God’s promise”– I was sold. Thank you to those who are praying for her specifically by name!

Here’s something you don’t usually hear a pregnant woman say: things are going too fast. This pregnancy likely constitutes the bulk of my time with Elizabeth, so I’m desperately trying to savor and enjoy it. I hit the 24 week mark on Thursday. The time I have left with her is brief, already flying by. She moves a lot. With every kick, jab and roll I’m reminded of how alive she is right now—how this will probably not be the case after she is born. She is developing perfect little hands and feet—but for what purpose? I am often struck by just how paradoxical the situation is. While I’m mourning that I won’t have much time with her here on earth, I am also grateful for this knowledge because it allows me to prepare my mind and heart for the loss.

I also had a prenatal appointment this week. I rotate among five OB’s in my practice and genuinely like them all, but the doctor I saw this time has sort of an “off putting” bedside manner. I’m not sure he knew exactly what to say to me. After quickly listening to her heartbeat, he began discussing worst case scenarios for my labor and delivery. Of course this is something that has been in the back of my mind, but I wasn’t really ready to be confronted with it yet. He said there is a chance that she will not survive the delivery (about 20% according to my research), a chance that I will not dilate correctly, a chance that she will be breech. If this is the case, he said that since she’s not “viable” the decision of whether or not to have a c-section would be up to me, which, I suppose is a plus. He did graciously mention the fact that I’ve had three normal deliveries is in my favor.

So, not exactly the most pleasant visit. Worry over labor and delivery is something I am now battling against. The Lord has reminded me that it’s already been planned by Him and I am resting in that truth. Once again I am so thankful that He is sovereign—in control over every minute detail. Praising Him for this. And thanking all of you for your continued prayers.

Wife to an amazing husband, mommy to four cherished babies, daughter of the Most High.

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9 Comments

  1. You are my hero. You are bringing glory to God-what we are made to do, but so often struggle and kick and scream along the way. But you are doing it beautifully and effortlessly. Our loving God knit Elizabeth together and formed her perfectly, in His way, in your womb. Which is just…wow. Here’s to being transformed a little more, each long day, into His likeness. I love you.

  2. Thank you for allowing us to peek inside this journey of yours. All life is sacred and precious…at every stage…with every challenge. Her soul is being fed and her “life” is being protected. Your soul is also being fed and by His grace you are becoming something more than you ever expected you would be. I pray that you will not focus too much on what the future holds, but cherish your time with your beautiful Elizabeth Grace. She needs her momma…and you need her. It is amazing how a little life that will live a little while will touch your life in such a big way forever. All of our love and prayers.

  3. Again, another beautiful post. Thank you for allowing us, your friends, to be a part of this journey with you and your family.

  4. Praying that the Lord will give you His strength and the peace that passes all understanding.

  5. We too have experienced some grief in our lives. I hear your heart! I just want you to know that I pray fervently for you,and I tell many ladies that I know to pray for your sweet darling. May the Lord be your portion. He will not only walk with you but He will have to carry you through…and He will. Blessings and peace, Dana Adams
    http://clanchrisdean.blogspot.com

  6. what a lovely name. praying you can enjoy every second with sweet elizabeth and that her delivery will be peaceful and uncomplicated. i remember you telling me when we talked that the one doc said her delivery should be very normal, so we will cling to his encouraging words and know that the Lord already has every single detail worked out for how and when you will get to hold elizabeth in your arms. love you. continuing to lift you up.

  7. I love her name, Leah. We very nearly named our Grace “Grace Elizabeth”. How beautiful and wonderful is the knowledge that God knew her name before he even knit her in your womb? And even if you never named her He would still know her name – “My child”. And her hands and feet? They are for you to see God’s glory. She will have a new body in heaven. 🙂

  8. Leah,
    You don’t know me but a friend of a friend sent me your blog….. Because we too lost our beautiful daughter June 4, 2010 to anencephally. Addyson Faithe lived for 2 beautiful hours… And God gave us such peace thru it all. I too blogged about my experience. Please feel free to Facebook me David N Lori Pottberg. My husband is a pastor in New Village, NJ. I would love to talk with you if you are up to it.
    With Caring, Lori Pottberg

  9. was reading Habbakuk 3 and i couldn’t help but think of you guys….

    ….elizabeth grace is a beautiful name….and i love her!
    -brandon

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